We’ve been here 3 weeks and 3 days. I’ve been moving SSSLLLOOOOWWWW.

We were at my mom’s house for the first 10 days or so. What a daze I was in. So much emotion. So much to process. And my jet lag was prolonged (up at 2 or 3 am, unable to go back to sleep, for the first 6 nights). But what a relief to have my mom cook meals, help with the girls, even do my laundry. And the lush green yard was therapy. The girls LOVE the swings that Mom put up in the backyard and have had fun blowing bubbles and just running around. I sensed myself pulling back from life, shutting down like a newborn that sleeps when there is too much noise and stimulation. Floating in limbo, comfortably numb.

Then we came to Atlanta to work on our house, getting it ready to sell. The first full day I was so emotional. I wasn’t ready to change environments again! Elena suffered too. She had a breakdown over not being able to find her sunglasses. I asked her if she was having a rough day? Yes, sob, sob. Has there been a little too much change for her lately? Yeah. Perhaps I put words in her mouth, but my mother’s sense told me she was feeling it. But now, almost two weeks later, the girls are thriving at Jim & Margo’s house.

And healing has begun for Scott & me too. It started the night of Elise’s 06-06-06 party. Four of our dearest friends in the world stayed up late with us, while we poured out our pain, frustration and doubt. And they listened and prayed for us. What a picture of the paralytic’s friend carrying him to Jesus so he could be healed. The next day we met with a counseling pastor at the church, who also listened, prayed, and reassured us. And the next day we got together with Ray & Teri Sommer. They were missionaries in Budapest before we got there. And they left a year ago with heartache of their own. It was unbelievably refreshing to discuss our experiences with those who walked the same road ahead of us. There have been other, equally encouraging conversations that I haven’t mentioned. Being here in familiar old Alpharetta, with these relationships, has been like living in a cocoon of nurturing.

I miss Budapest. (The other night I thought I saw a shopping bag with “KIKA” written on it and started to shed tears of longing for “home”). But I am glad that we are here right now. The Friday before we left (the day before I miscarried our baby), when the packers put all of our belongings into boxes, I walked from room to room sobbing. I was remembering so many wonderful memories attached with that living space. If I were there now would I not also feel the pain of the loss of this pregnancy more acutely? God’s mercy.

So the Alpharetta house lists for sale this weekend. There was an amazing work team of volunteers from the church who helped clear out the overgrown landscape the first weekend of June. Then my parents stayed in the empty house, sleeping on air mattresses, for a full week, painting, cleaning, repairing. They were awesome. We have also been given contacts through church friends, for getting good deals on painting, carpet, garage doors. All in all the repairs cost half of what we feared. Now we need prayer that the house sells, quickly and for a good price.

Hopefully, I’ll have more to write soon.